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According to Us

One Husband, One Wife, Five Children and Everything in Between

The same year that child four was born, my sister-in-law sent me this funny email. As I was looking through old photo albums today I found it. I am dedicating this to Daniel and Miki. I can’t wait to hold that sweet baby this fall.

Birth Order of Children:

Your Clothes:

1st Baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy

2nd Baby: You wear your regular clothes as long as possible

3rd Baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice breathing religiously

2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes in special detergent, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the little baby’s bureau

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Crying:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress a whimper, a slight frown you pick up the baby

2nd baby: You pick up the baby when her wails threaten to wake your first-born

3rd baby: You teach your three-year old how to turn on the swing and insert the pacifier. (The original copy said, “You teach your three-year old how to wind up the mechanical swing.)

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home to wash and sanitize it in boiling water

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, your squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in

Diapering:

1st baby:You change your baby’s diaper every hour, whether they need it or not

2nd baby:You change their diaper every two or three hours, if needed

3rd baby: You try to change the diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby swimming, and Baby Story hour

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the post office

Going out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave your cell number where you can be reached

3rd baby: You leave instructions for your sitter to call only if she sees blood

At home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from your children

Swallowing coins:

1st baby: When your first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays

2nd baby: When the second child swallows a coin, you watch carefully for the coin to pass

3rd baby: When the third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

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